Family's role in the NICU

What emotions are common for family and friends in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU)?

Your baby’s NICU stay may impact members of your family, like your older children, parents, and friends. They may be sad, worried, and show these emotions in many ways. Share your feelings with your family or friends so you can support each other. Here are some things to keep in mind about you, your partner, and your families:

• People cope with grief in different ways. Some partners may not express their emotions openly, which can sometimes be misunderstood as not caring. Open communication can help both people feel seen and supported.
• You may have similar feelings but not always at the same time. You may not always be on the “same page.”
• You may react differently to a situation. Talk about your feelings. Listen to each other and try to understand others’ feelings.
• You and your partner may not always feel the same about what to tell others. Some people don’t want to share many medical details, especially if they feel stressed or blame themselves for the baby’s condition. Try to listen to each other and agree on what you both feel okay sharing.

How can friends and family members help when your baby’s in the NICU? 

Because this may be a very stressful time in your life, it’s important to get help from others. It may not be easy for you to ask but many people want to help. They just don’t always know how. Here are some ideas of how friends and family can help you. They can:  

• Bring a meal to you and your family  
• Do your grocery shopping, laundry, or clean your home  
• Help with your older children  
• With your OK, share updates about your baby through blogs, email, or social media  
• Drive you to and from the hospital  
• Go with you to meetings at the hospital and take notes. These meetings can be with your baby’s healthcare team, the NICU social worker, or hospital financial staff. 
• Sit with your baby in the NICU so that you can take a break, if the NICU allows visitors to be with your baby without you there.  

What emotions are common for grandparents in the NICU?

Your baby’s grandparents have their own unique experience in the NICU. They may feel joy over the arrival of a grandchild, but also may worry about the health of the baby. They also may be worried about how you and your partner are coping with the baby’s stay in the NICU. As a parent and a grandparent, they have a very important role during this time.

Grandparents may have mixed feelings after their grandchild is born. They may feel:

• Concerned about your baby’s medical condition
• Angry about the difficulties you and your baby are facing
• Worried about how everyone in the family is coping
• Frustrated by not being able to help or ease your family’s distress
• Pride and joy over the latest addition to your family

How can you help your baby’s grandparents understand what you need when your baby’s in the NICU?

Talking openly with your child’s grandparents may reduce your stress during your baby’s NICU stay. It may also help your child’s grandparents understand more about what you need during this time. Here are some things you can talk about:

• Tell them that you and your partner need time alone with your baby. But let them know when there is a good time for them to come to the NICU to spend time with their grandchild. You may feel more comfortable leaving the NICU if a trusted family member stays with your baby. Check with the NICU staff to make sure grandparents can be with your baby while you’re not there.
• Share your feelings and be patient with each other. Share how you’re coping with your baby’s NICU stay and talk with them about their feelings too. All members of the family are under stress and may sometimes be overwhelmed and short-tempered.
• Give them ideas of how they can help you. Grandparents may want to help, but may not know how. Their support outside of the NICU is just as important as inside the NICU. Whether they live nearby or far away, grandparents can do lots of things to help your family while your baby’s in the NICU.

How can you help your older children cope when your baby’s in the NICU?

You may wonder how you’re going to help your children cope when you’re having trouble coping yourself. And how will you find time for your other children when your baby needs you, too? There are a lot of things you can do to help your older children. These things can help reassure your children that you love them. Here are some ways you can help your children:

• Be honest with them. Your children may have a lot of questions but may not know how to ask them. Tell them what’s going on with you and with their baby brother or sister in words they can understand.
• Try not to change your children’s daily routine. This can help make the situation less stressful for them. When you can’t be at home, ask a relative or other caregiver to take your children to the playground or do other things your children enjoy.
• Try to create some quality time with your children. This will help reassure them that they are important to you too. For example, you can take them to the park to get fresh air for them and for yourself. If you can’t be home, you can call to check in on their school day or read a bedtime story.
• Let other caregivers know about your baby’s NICU stay. Talk to your children’s caregivers, such as day care providers and school teachers, about your baby’s NICU stay. They can give your child additional support and let you know about any problems or behavior changes.

How can you include your older children in your baby’s care in the NICU?

It’s important for your children to become involved with their newborn sibling from the start. The birth of a baby is a big event for the whole family, and you don’t want your older children to feel left out. Here are activities your children can do at home to help care for the baby while they’re in the NICU:

• Color pictures to put up near the baby’s bed
• Pick a favorite photo of themselves or the family to have near the baby’s bed
• Put together a photo album of pictures of the baby
• Create a story book about the birth of their baby brother or sister
• Help get the nursery ready for when the baby comes home
• Record their voice reading a book to the baby

How can you prepare your older children for the NICU?

Many children can’t wait to meet the new baby. Each NICU has its own guidelines about children visiting. Some NICUs only allow siblings who are over a certain age or allow visits during certain hours. Find out what the rules are in your NICU, then talk to your children before they go to the NICU about what they may see and hear. Here’s how you can prepare for their visits to the NICU:

• Plan to keep visits short (less than 30 minutes)
• Describe what they may see or hear
• Explain what equipment in the NICU does
• Tell your children what they can do and how to behave in the NICU

Talk to your children after they spend time in the NICU. Ask if they have any questions about the baby or the equipment. Answer their questions simply but honestly.

Last reviewed: April 2025