Coping with stress in the NICU

What emotions could you have when your baby is in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU)?

Many parents feel very alone during their baby’s NICU stay. The stress of having a baby in the NICU can go on for weeks and months. It can be tiring to learn so much about your baby’s medical condition and make care and treatment decisions. No parent is fully prepared for life in the NICU. But parents can find ways to get comfortable there.

You may have many different feelings, including guilt, helplessness, sadness, anger, fear, shock, and a sense of loss when your baby’s in the NICU. There is no “normal” way to feel. You and your partner may cope differently. Know that your feelings are shared by many families who have had a baby born early, with birth defects, or other medical conditions. Over time, you will be able to better face and cope with your feelings.

There are a lot of ways to get support. Letting other people know how you’re feeling may help you on your journey through the NICU. Your partner, friends, family, and hospital staff can play a big role in how you cope.

How can you take care of yourself when your baby is in the NICU?

It’s hard for parents to leave their baby in the NICU. It may be even harder to think about taking care of yourself, because you’re so focused on your baby’s needs. But doing so means that you can stay well and have more energy to spend time with your baby.

One way to take care of yourself is to have a daily routine. This means eating meals, drinking plenty of water, taking showers, and getting regular sleep while your baby’s in the NICU. If you’re having trouble doing these things, talk to your healthcare provider, the NICU social worker, or your baby’s nurse. As part of your routine, decide when you want to be with your baby in the NICU. Share these times with your baby’s nurse so they know when to expect you.

Another way to take care of yourself is to connect with NICU families. If your baby is in a single room, look for families at NICU classes or in the family lounge. If your baby is in a room with many babies, take time to get to know the other families. They may understand your experience better than other people in your life.

It’s also helpful to find healthy ways to take breaks from the NICU. This can include going outside, getting lunch with a friend, or taking a nap at home. It’s OK to make time for yourself and your family at the hospital and at home.

What can you do if you need to go back to work when your baby’s in the NICU?

If you need to go back to work while your baby is still in the NICU, it may be helpful to talk with NICU staff. Let them know your work schedule and when you plan to be with your baby. You also may want to discuss your work schedule with your employer. Ask if you can get time off from work while your baby is in the NICU. Or see if you can work different hours so you can be with your baby when it’s best for them. Know that you’re doing the best that you can and try not to be too hard on yourself.

What if you feel sad and worried when your baby’s in the NICU?

Having a baby in the NICU can be an emotional time for parents. You may feel sad and worried. Lots of NICU parents feel this way during their child’s NICU stay or even once they’ve come home. Sometimes you or your partner may have more serious conditions, like depression and anxiety. These conditions can be brought on by the NICU stay but also your body’s reaction to your baby being born. Having depression or anxiety can make it hard for you to take care of your baby.

Baby blues are feelings of sadness a mom may have in the first few days after having a baby. Baby blues are also called postpartum blues. Postpartum means after giving birth. Baby blues can happen 2 to 3 days after you have your baby and can last up to 2 weeks. They usually go away on their own, and you don’t need any treatment. If you have sad feelings that last longer than 2 weeks, tell your healthcare provider. They may want to check you for a condition called postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a kind of depression that some people get after a baby is born. PPD is strong feelings of sadness, anxiety, and tiredness that last for a long time. These feelings can make it hard for a parent to take care of their baby. This depression can happen during pregnancy or in the first year after a baby is born. PPD is more common in people who have or have had a baby in the NICU. It often starts within 1 to 3 weeks of having a baby. It’s a medical condition that needs treatment to get better.

If you think you may have PPD, call your healthcare provider or talk with your NICU team right away. There are things you and your provider can do to help you feel better. If you’re worried about hurting yourself or your baby, call 911.

Last reviewed: April 2025